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| BerrieBlogs© |
This school year has probably been the best for me, as I've made an abundance of new friends and matured. It was a vital year for me and I really wished it hadn't have ended. It has also been one of the hardest emotionally if i'm completely honest. I have had this continuous emotional stress that hangs over me and sometimes for example right now it has taken over me. It puts me in a really vulnerable mood and I just cry. Im sure it has something to do with issues at home but I actual think sometimes that it is beginning to take over me.
Im not really an emotional person on the outside, but deep down some things hit close to home. These things include songs, smells and pictures. I know this sounds odd, but recently a specific singer has really pulled my heart strings. Sam Smith's Stay With Me. I think this is a pretty amazing song if i'm honest, and I think it hits me because i'm at a stage in life where everything is changing. One of the biggest con's of being an expatriate child is everything changes in a flash. This year a lot of people left, and it really made me upset. Im not even sure why because some of them I didn't even know that well, but their presence just completed a school day. Some people who left I didn't even know I was fond of that much until they were gone. As I saw one person leave I just couldn't help but sink. Im not even sure why but my insides just sank and it just made me so upset. The thing is I couldn't even show it so I just kept my cool and enjoyed the rest of my day. Its only now sitting here 18 hours later that Im sitting crying because of that. Im not really sure why Im so emotional it just kind of sprung up on me at the beginning of the month. I understand Its perfectly normal to be upset when someone leaves, but for some reason this just wasn't the same.
I am the type of person who loves to be surrounded by family, but nothing beats a lovely friend group. I am really blessed to have some really special people in my life and I couldn't be more grateful, especially people like Zazie because she is such a lovely and beautiful person inside and out.
I'm not even sure why the people who left this year hit me really hard but they just have. Im not sure it is going to be entirely comfortable without them next year but Im taking this opportunity to make more friends and create stronger relationships with existing people in my life.
Im not good with change but unfortunately it comes with my lifestyle. Im very lucky and fortunate to have it and i am grateful everyday, but its times like these where I just want everything to stop. Somethings are just going too fast and I cant help but think in the moments that afterwards i'm going to be really sad. Im not sure why but I just have.
Ive decided that Im going to take things like this and turn them into something different. I am going to relish and enjoy the moment and think afterwards, I was happy in that moment, and at least I have walked out with something that sticks.
Im starting to think this post is a bit all over the place and has been really random in points but I think that is what blogging is all about. Being weird and random :)
Sorry for the really emotional post, I just think its so much nicer than holding it all in. Thank you for reading my vent, it means a lot.
BerrieBlogs©
One of my best friends is an expatriate child, she moved to Denmark a few years ago. I really, really miss her but we've still managed to stay in touch! All it takes is a text or a snapchat, just because someone's gone doesn't mean you've lost them xxx
ReplyDeleteellabooxo • beauty & lifestyle
I totally get what you are going through, I've been myself there and I haven't quite taken it with a positive additude like you have. This school year, unlike yours, has been awful. Being a italian girl living in Germany (just realized how many things we have in common, no?) I see friends come and leave quite often, last year my bestfriend left and it hasn't been the same thing after that, we used to do everything together and going back to school without her has just been too much. I often found myself crying because that specific room, quote, drawing on the table, brought back all the great memories. I still do miss her terribly and it has already been one year..
ReplyDeleteI couldn't imagine what I would do if my best friend left and I just want you to know that what you are going through is completely normal! I would be devastated if my best friend left! Just know that the oppourtunity to try and make new friends is always there ! Why not expand your friend group and mayeb try skype calls with your best friend! I think you are a pretty strong person! xx
ReplyDeleteI think that this cocktail of emotions you've been experiencing is what being a teenager is all about. I've gone through times of change before - I'm not an expatriate, which must be really difficult, but I have had to deal with moving far away from my home (New Jersey) and having to adapt to culture in the southern United States (which sometimes feels like a separate entity from the northern United States that I'm used to!). I attend a half boarding/half day school, so I know people who have moved to America for school from other countries. Uprooting yourself from a place that you've called home for a long time is really hard, and watching other people do the same can be difficult as well. As awful as it sounds to use this phrase in this context, everything does happen for a reason. A friend moving away might actually make both of you appreciate each other more - you're more likely to give each other your full attention when you have a moment to chat on the phone than you were when you were together in person. Tough emotional situations bring friends and family together, and they also build a great deal of character, too.
ReplyDeleteYou're going to look back on this time in your life and say that although it was taxing, it contributed to your personality and helped you become the person that you're going to be in the future.
Hang in there, I hope that you feel better soon!
Stay strong! And always think about the strange people who follow and adore you on your social media. You might not feel it, but we're here for you ;)!
ReplyDeleteevelinkivi.blogspot.com
lovely post! love these type of story-telling emotional posts!
ReplyDeletexx
daniella
simplybeautifulelegant.blogspot.com
I completely agree on music and smells and stuff like that! I would love to chat sometime because I can really relate!!
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daniella
simplybeautifulelegant.blogspot.com
This was such a lovely message to read! I think everything you said here was right and the saying everything happens for a reason is great, it makes sense in this context and i completely agree with you xx
ReplyDeleteThank you so so much evelin! xx
ReplyDeleteThank you! Might be doing a few more xx
ReplyDeleteOfcourse! Send me an email :) xx
ReplyDeleteI think change is difficult for everyone to some extent but an amazing part of being human is being able to adapt ourselves to new situations and surroundings and to learn all we can from them :)
ReplyDeletehttp://abigailalicex.blogspot.co.uk
Great advice xx
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteJust thought this blog post was an opportunity for me to say how much I enjoy reading your blog. I am 22 and I usually get along with/attracted to people older than me, but I
really 'get'/feel I can connect to you and I really like the way you write. I've had struggles myself and completely relate to the smells and music bringing back emotional states and memories!
Emily
Your so welcome! Im so glad you like my posts x
ReplyDelete